Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Sudden Thought

I'm sitting here at 12plus midnight, keeping a close watch at my etsy shop and a feeling came.

Why am I doing this? Why am I letting it control my life? It started out for fun. As an experiment. People ACTUALLY bought my handmade cards. It was a fantastic feeling. Like a recognized artist. The reward was an ego-booster.

I stopped shopping for clothes, shoes and bags like what girls do. Instead, I shop at paper, craft amd fabric stores. Then I spend ungodly hours sometimes obsessing to finish a creation. Then I get so excited to list it on the shop. Then I do. Then I wait. And wait. And as time goes by without sales, I sink lower. AND THEN, I'm inspired to do another design! And the ungodly cycle begins again. Then someone buys, I get motivated! It's such an emotional roller coaster!

OK you professional marketers and product specialists who hit sales by 5 digits that kind of thing, selling art is totally different. You ACTUALLY LOVE and believe in what you sell.

It hit me. Why am I doing all this for strangers. Adding something extra, gift-wrapping it nicely, double checking everything, praying it'll arrive safely etc.

All I want now is to make things for my friends and family! For people I know and see everyday, the people in my workplace, my boss, my students, my neighbours, my childhood friends, and MYSELF!!

How I long for my own pace. No rushing, no waiting, no disappointment, no excitement. I hate to think about my shop. It's taking over my life. Yucks.

I want to watch TV like everybody else.

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