Monday, July 30, 2007

I Kiaped My Finger

Quote of the day: There's no such thing as a non-working mother. -Hester Mundis

I am still thinking about which camera to buy. And because of that, I couldn't take a picture of my new kitchen in UDA, the house I am going to move in. I didn't expect it would be finished this soon. The floors been re-tiled with new anti-slip earth tone ceramic tile and the old rotting cabinet doors have been replaced too.

I've also pulled the fastest electronic purchase of a 3-burner Pensonic stove hub, only RM299! I looked around, chose one, paid for it, and brought it back for the workers to fix it in.

Daniel had fun just being lugged around. Hubbie was called last minute to an early morning golf. So, basically, I was doing the running around, the lugging around, the kitchen supervision when my father had to leave halfway because of golf as well. And Flo came at the right time, when I didn't have my pad! How cool is that. Surprisingly, I did not make a scene when I went home. I knew he felt bad for not being there.

Anyways, now, I have to get rid of one million things in the kitchen that came from my grandmother's era. I know some are worth keeping like the old traditional plates and bowls, but then if you keep one, you keep two, and then more and more. I'm really want to simplify and minimize! Less consumption, less waste! And not to mention, lots of scrubbing! The surfaces are sticky from the years and years of cooking, but not cleaning after the mess. Yucks right.

Finally I finished watching Sex & The City at 3am this morning, same time when the hubbie came home from yam cha with his friends. Also around the same time he came home from yam cha 2 nights ago. "Hou fan ah", he told me last night after dinner. It's been quite a year for him. The semi-relocation to KL, the expectations, the hope, the crash of hope, the another hope etc... I think he really wants to achieve something. Does turning 30 make men feel like it's time to achieve something in their life?

I slept in Daniel's room last night, with my iPod on, listening to some of my favourite 'daydreaming' songs. It's just one of those nights I feel disgusted sleeping next to hubbie. Just uncomfortable you know. He thinks I'm asleep when he comes home very late, but the truth is, I can't sleep until I know he's safely home. And of course, the best part is, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, it usually happens when I have PMS. What good timing.

Then comes the fun part when I conjure all sorts of ideas to spite him or make him feel really sorry. I'm vindictive when Flo is in town ya know. But almost always, I never execute my brilliant plans which victory will be on my side for sure. I know it's childish and petty. But like I said, those are just ideas and imagination, and it makes me feel better. But sometimes, I wished he'd knew about the war that's been tearing my sanity apart.

I feel sorry for the men sometimes. The fact that he does everything right for her many times over the years suddenly becomes unsignificant because of one thing he didn't do right, and that one wrongdoing is magnified 100X. Ladies, I know you're smiling.

But don't worry, at the end of the day, she recognizes all the blessings and love she has and live happily ever after.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I Now Have Side Parting

I have a humongous backlog of things to do. Why is it always like that. They are nothing but things I create, and I expect myself to finish them. I'm an extremist. I can be either very bored, or very occupied.

Maybe turning 30 has something to do with it. They say the thirties is the new twenties. Life just began at full gear.

My revelation crept in, not on the day I turned thirty, but perhaps a month or so after that. It's like an awakening that's on snooze, and I finally got up for real.

I have accepted myself, who I am, what I am, what I'm like, and I don't care a drop of what others think anymore.

I'm comfortable in my own skin, in private, in public, in front of my naked husband, in front of my peers, boss and handsome hunky strangers.

Maybe that's what it means by being wiser. Not in the knowledge sense, but in an emotional developmental sense. How you change the way you feel about yourself, has changed the way you feel about the rest of the world.

It's a priceless experience.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Cost of Living

Quote of the day: Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


I had some time the other day, so I did a little survey on the price of things in Singapore and Malaysia. Just the basic stuffs.

On average, people in Singapore and Malaysia would have the same digits as salary, just in different currencies. Let's say one earns RM3000, and the other earns SGD3000. It's a reasonable and realistic salary in both countries. So, let's see the cost of everyday necessity.

I went to Tesco, one of the hypermarkets in Malaysia that offers unbeatably lower prices. In Singapore, I went to Cold Storage, one of the higher-end supermarkets where expats love to go. And here are some of the randomly picked items I checked out..

Scott Tissue ( 4 boxes/pk ) RM6.45 $3.15
Kelloggs Cereal, Assorted ( 6 small boxes/pk) RM5.59 $4.25
Carefree pantyliner RM7.59 $3.05
Dove Shampoo 1L RM15.49 $7.10
Dove Conditioner 1L RM16.69 $7.10
Heinz baby food 110g RM2.15 $1.40
Nestle Infant Cereal 250g RM4.35 $3.45
Dragon Rice 10kg RM32.50 $19.40 ( for 10kg Royal Umbrella Rice, one of the most premium
brand, as I could not find Dragon Rice in Cold Storage)
Dynamo Colour 5L RM21.99 $12.90

I bought a children's desk at Toys R Us in Singapore for $69.95 ( original price was $79.95 before discount ), and I checked the same one at Toys R Us in JB, Tebrau City. It was RM199.95! No wonder the Toys R Us in Singapore are always crowded. The one in TC is always pathetically empty!

The only thing that is significantly cheaper, even after conversion, is cigarette. RM8.20 vs $11.00. Not that it affects me...

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Last Words

Quote of the day: Eat well, live well, die anyway.

Two of my father's good friends died of cancer.

One was a male lawyer who succumbed to colon cancer in his thirties. At that time, I was in my early teens I think. During his chemo treatment, he'd still go out with my dad and I, to shopping malls just to walk around. The last time we hung out, he had a excretion bag with him. I didn't know what it was at that time. I remember him as a positive and lively person. Even when he was sick, he carried on as usual, drank lots of carrot juice and still had the mood to go out.

His wife and him ended their marriage during his illness. I had a feeling it was his idea. Being a divorcee would sound better than a widow, perhaps. They didn't have any children.

One day, he had to stay in bed, and for many days after that until his last breath. My dad would visit him often. I followed him one time.

He had this hospital bed in his room, with tubes and a machine beside it. He had grown so small. I never apprehended how fragile our bodies could be.

I was alone with him in the room. I just sat beside him and watched him breath heavily and slowly. He looked tired. Then he turned to me and asked me the weirdest question I have ever heard. " Will you call me papa?"

As a pre-teen girl, I was stunned. I hesitated for an answer, but never gave any eventually. That is the biggest regret in my life. I could have made a dying man's dream come true, but I was too naive.

Those were his last words to me.

Another was a lady friend, actually the wife of one of my father's good friends.

Her name was May. She succumbed to lung cancer just a couple of years ago. I never visited her, because the family kept it very private.

I did spend a few good years growing up with her three children. Almost every weekend was spent either at their big luxury home, or at the club, learning tennis and swimming.

They were rich. They lived in a huge bungalow in a prime housing estate and drove luxury cars. Everytime I went to their home, I felt a little small. I even had to check if my nails were clean because it would be embarrassing if I made their cushions dirty or something.

The last time I saw her was during the small wedding reception I had in JB. She looked perfectly normal to me. I remembered her strappy shoes. She told me that the songs I played that night was fantastic.

Those were her last words to me.

Last words that last...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Quote of the day: The only people who never fail are those who never try. -Ilka Chase

During the ample time I have while driving to work, my radio is always on, or my iPod. And sometimes, nostalgic songs play that reminds me of a particular emotion I felt before.

My emotions at certain moments in my life are remembered vividly with a song. That's how I associate my memorable emotions with songs that played during an event, or songs that just reminded me of something.

That late 90-s popular hit Mm-bop reminded me of my uni coursemate gang, particularly TJ because he said he loved that song. And it played when we were all in my Proton Wira on the way to class. I miss my gang. We'd walk to class together everyday, in the sun, in the rain without fail during our first semester. Seokshin, Sim, Kenny, TJ, Aiwah and me.

Then, there's Jars of Clay's Frail. A very soothing haunting lullaby that reminded me of the time I was infatuated with a Malay dude named Abang Asfia who later became my boyfriend of 2 months.

At that time, I was also reunited with a childhood friend, Daniel Jackson, who used to live next to me in Springs Garden Malacca, until I moved to Johor at the age of 7. I showed him my panties in his room one day. He loved cats, and would stuff as many kittens he can under his shirt. He once called the fire department to report a fire...for fun. That's my Daniel Jackson.

I found him on stage during a Music Fest in university, playing the drums, and boy was he good. He was also a very dark Indian, BIG, and had blood-shot eyes. I suspect he was on drugs. We chatted for 5 hours at night outside my KK5 block. He asked me if I would consider him if Abang and I are no longer together. I laughed. I can't remember what my answer was.

I never saw him after that. I heard he opened his own band.

Mariah Carey's songs were my favourite. She was hot at that time. I always listened to Close My Eyes when I'm lying on my upper deck bed in dorm, at bedtime.

I played the cassette tape on my Sony cassette tape player. If I turned to look out of my window, I'd always see Kenny and his roomate Jimmy's room. Our blocks face each other. I could also catch TJ sometimes, at his studydesk, wearing a hairband. He had thick black wavy hair. What an envy. He was my Hugh Grant.

Once he left me alone in the dark at a parking lot outside our faculty because he forgot something. It was after a gathering or some kind of meeting, and it was late. He was going to give me a lift back on his bike. It was a cool night. The tree rustled and the breeze swept through in the quiet distance. I stood there and waited. I wasn't scared, though I should've been. I felt safe and was on top of the world because I'd be one of the girl who once rode on TJ's bike.

Then, there's the magical Burn For You by John Farhnam. It played one rainy night, when Paul was lying on my bed asleep, in my room, in the rented double-storey house I shared with 4 guys and 3 other girls during our second year. That was the moment I thought ," This could be something".

Denniam was one of the guys in the house. Sweet gentleman he was. I remember his courage the most and I respect him for it. After I became single again, from the Abang, Denniam wrote me a note which I still keep now, along with many other memorable cards, notes, gifts, autographs etc.

"No matter where you are, what you do, remember that there's a silly guy who loves you"

One of the girls, Irene, is born a nurse. She actually woke me up every 4 hours at night to feed me my antibiotics when I was hit by high fever. I don't know where she is now.

And I will never forget George Michael's rendition of I Can't Make You Love Me. And many of his romantic jazzy songs. YJ and Season was the two most sensitive emotional guys I almost went out with. Throughout my first year, YJ was my emotional whore. Our confidante friendship started on the phone. We'd chat for 4 to 5 hours through the night and it wasn't tiring. It was comfortable. I met him in person for the first time during a get-together where all his friends made fun of the situation and made me guess who the secret caller is. He looked kind. He wasn't the tall dark handsome hunk, but he could communicate. He bought me sparkling diamond pendant, which I don't know if it's real.

I don't know where the pendant is today. He is a doctor now and I attended his wedding about a year ago, and sometimes I still bump into him and his wife in town.

Season was a determined and intense person. We'd listen to new age songs in his Kancil and imagine running through a forest. Very Enigma. He loved arts, drama fashion and music. I remember Chris Isaac's Wicked Games. He picked me some wild flowers and hung them at my doorknob as a surprise. One day, he came by the house and ran up to my room, to find Paul sitting on my floor with his foot stretched out smelling of medicated ointment. I never saw him again.

Some years back, I came across some news of a drama play that he was in. In that play, he man-handled a very pretty actress/model. Recently, I chanced upon his blog. He still look the same. Very arty-farty, more groomed.

Many were sceptical about Paul. He looked like he was going to break my heart in pieces. Everyone was waiting for him to make a mistake.

I saw something else. He is a good man. Kind, responsible, honest and hard-working. He loved me.

I got myself into some trouble tonight
Guess Im just feeling blue
Its been so long since Ive seen your face
This distance between me and you

That voice you showed me is not the one I know
I must be strung out on what I do
Dont hang up again
Theres nothing else I know how to do

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

I guess it feels like youre always alone
And I feel that way too
Its so hard to explain to you
Please understand what I do

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

Took my trouble to a bar tonight
For another point of view
But theres nothing new
Im missing you

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

I stroked his hair and wondered where I'd be in a decade...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Last night, Daniel and I watched Baby Mozart, and dozed off at 10.15pm. It's the music, I tell you. It's a rare occasion that I doze off at this godly hour. It felt good knowing I slept a decent amount, but funny leh, while driving to work this morning, I still feel sleepy. Too much sleep I guess.

So, while I slept, Paul took care of everything that I used to be in charge of. He ironed his own shirt, carried the little one back to his own room, set my alarm, charged my mobile phone, and went out to fill up my car.

The little one caressed me before we dozed off, like I was the baby. He has such loving little hands.

What an amazing night, my two favourite boys took care of me... must buy 4D.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Weekend is coming..again

Today, something caught my attention as I read The Daily Bread, that I would like to share. It starts with a story...

The mayor of a small town in Kentucky stopped mowing his lawn in 2005. He has put up a sign on his property that reads: “There are more important things in life than tall grass.”

He said that he has several reasons for not cutting the grass, one of which is his wife’s death from cancer. That loss caused him to reflect on the priorities of life. He enjoys just sitting in the evenings and observing the wild flowers, squirrels, and birds that are now coming to his yard. A member of the city council remarked, “If he likes it like that, it’s fine. I kind of feel like maybe he is right. Maybe there are more important things than mowing grass.”

Sometimes responsibilities like washing dishes, mowing the lawn, or working extra hours on a project need to wait so that we can spend time with the Lord or family or friends. That may be what’s more important.

So true init. I've never heard anyone saying on their deathbed, "Gee, I wished I spent more time in the office/on golf/drinking with my buddies"

It seems that life's greatest lesson is always learnt when it is a little too late. Let's learn it now, why not...

Hubbie has been in KL this whole week, and I realized it has been some time since we made the trip to Seremban.

So, tomorrow morning, I will be hitching a ride from a friend who is driving to KL to spend the weekend with her husband. Yes, another classic example of couples living apart for work, and for the good of the future.

Initially, I was planning to take the coach. Ah, I miss those Bus Persiaran and the conductors yelling "KL! KL! SEKARANG! VIP SEAT!" at the bus terminal. I thought it would be a fun adventure for Daniel and myself. Heehee. Maybe next time.

Just now, on the phone with him, I got pissed when he said there's a company golf tournament next Saturday. I don't really have much full weekends with him around already, and now he'll be in KL for leisure?


Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Please Donate to Ally's Home Reno Fund

Quote of the day: He who laughs, lasts -Mary Pettibone Poole

I sprained my neck during my sleep last night. Now, I'm a walking robot.

My faithful IXUS 400 has been giving me tempers. It refused to be detected on my lappie, and the battery life has gone down considerably low which means I can't even snap more than 20 pictures in an hour, let alone a day.

Lately, I have been daydreaming of being on a beautiful beach, and doing nothing but lie in a hammock and listen to the waves. I just want to ... stop moving for a while, you know what I mean. Just stop whatever I do everyday in life.... driving, laundry, cleaning, planning what to wear tomorrow, which bills to pay, bla bla bla. I just want to have a taste of the like-there's-no-tomorrow kind of day.

I have to save up for my house renovation.


These days when I'm driving, especially after work, I notice that I actually make the effort to look around to see other drivers and passagers in other cars. And I'm no longer afraid or shy to look. I'm doing this as an observant citizen who is aware of the surroundings. When I see a car occupied by men only, I get wary. I give them the 'look', as a message that I am watching them and don't be funny with me or anybody else. Gosh, is that safe to do? Am I actually inviting trouble if they are really crooks? *shiver*

I just spent USD110 on 4 magazines on card-making and a Quickutz template set... plus international shipping. And I'm going to spend more on scrapbooking books, just because they're so nice to look at. I guess it could relieve some of my subconscious stress. I'm an incurable online shopaholic and scrapbook junkie, that it's beginning to replace my sexlife I think!

Ouch, my neck!