Friday, May 28, 2021

Burdened by life

I've been sleeping so deeply, surprisingly. It's those kind that when you lie down and close your eyes, you're instantly gone. 

And I wish I hadn't woke up. Because every time I do, I get hit by a hundred questions. The same questions that bludgeon me and leave me battered for the rest of the day until it's time to close my eyes in the dark again. It's a pain and healing cycle that I can't come out of.

Can I quit my job in Singapore?

What should I do? 

Can we actually survive without my SGD pay?

Can we afford our children's education if they need to go to private colleges?

Will I have enough resources of time, energy and finances to support my separated aging parents if they need facilitated living?

Can we save enough for our own retirement in order not to burden our children?

Who am I kidding here?


Will I be so happy that I regretted not doing this earlier?

Or will I be so miserable that I regretted doing this?

How else can I afford the weekly shopping at the grocers? 

I turn to God all the time. Pray for peace in the heart. Pray for strength and perseverance. Pray that He show me the path I should go. Pray that I follow His will. Then I would doubt that my decision will be right. Lots of doubts. Lots of arguments in my head. 

Obviously, I searched for answers in the internet. I liked what I found, here.

"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you" (Psalm 25:4-5).

And this customized verse:

Dear Lord, I come to You because I'm in need of direction. Remind me that the world can't offer what I deeply long for, nor does it hold my future, but You certainly do. Thank You for guiding me today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This remains my challenge. To strengthen my faith and truly believe that He will sustain me if I quit my job in Singapore.

I'm also comforted by this.
1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for us”

Jesus so loves and cares for us that we can cast all our worries, burden and anxiety for him to carry. 

Keep trusting, keep praying!