A Sudden Thought

I'm sitting here at 12plus midnight, keeping a close watch at my etsy shop and a feeling came.

Why am I doing this? Why am I letting it control my life? It started out for fun. As an experiment. People ACTUALLY bought my handmade cards. It was a fantastic feeling. Like a recognized artist. The reward was an ego-booster.

I stopped shopping for clothes, shoes and bags like what girls do. Instead, I shop at paper, craft amd fabric stores. Then I spend ungodly hours sometimes obsessing to finish a creation. Then I get so excited to list it on the shop. Then I do. Then I wait. And wait. And as time goes by without sales, I sink lower. AND THEN, I'm inspired to do another design! And the ungodly cycle begins again. Then someone buys, I get motivated! It's such an emotional roller coaster!

OK you professional marketers and product specialists who hit sales by 5 digits that kind of thing, selling art is totally different. You ACTUALLY LOVE and believe in what you sell.

It hit me. Why am I doing all this for strangers. Adding something extra, gift-wrapping it nicely, double checking everything, praying it'll arrive safely etc.

All I want now is to make things for my friends and family! For people I know and see everyday, the people in my workplace, my boss, my students, my neighbours, my childhood friends, and MYSELF!!

How I long for my own pace. No rushing, no waiting, no disappointment, no excitement. I hate to think about my shop. It's taking over my life. Yucks.

I want to watch TV like everybody else.

YouTube for Babies

What 3 year-olds can do these days.


He switches on the laptop. I switch on the modem and the wifi. He waits for everything to settle. He double-clicks the Internet Explorer icon. He says "Mummy, I want watch Donald Duck". I go into youtube and search. And the rest is his. He picks a clip to watch. Then scroll the page by the sidebar scroll. Please tell me this is normal.

When I was 3 year old, I only had magic pens.

Obsession

I have been VERY VERY productive.







I totally humped my Flying Man antique sewing machine. And stamps. And these are only the few.
Maybe that is why there's no bun in the oven.

An Update: This is totally shocking to me.I actually sold 18 of the planners on etsy so far, since last Monday. Hmm, then suddenly, the orders slowed down. I must've rode the high wave..heehee.