Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Stress stress stress

Quote of the day: Being a mother gives you the best joys and worst stresses in the world.

Daniel's 3rd full day in nursery. I called minutes ago to check on how he is doing. He sobs on the phone, "Mummy come, mummy come". I am typing my resignation letter. Sooooo close.

My angel boss, being a father of two, asked me how my son is doing in school so far.

"He cries and misses me a lot".

"Well, that is usually what happens. But you can't give up now because it'll only teach him to manipulate you by repeating this 'crying' method".

Generally it'll take a week for a child to settle in. Maybe two weeks depending on your child. I ask myself, is he ready? Someone told me, even in kindy for the first time at 6 years old, some kids still cry. Some, settle in with no problem at all.

I'm too anxious, or I'm too hard on him. I can't decide. Will this adversely affect his development in times to come? Can I counter it? Or will everything just work out the way it should be (my hardcore philosophy). Guilt is eating me alive.

The husband came home at 7am after pulling an all-nighter CNY gambling session at his buddy's place. This gambling fever usually lasts for a week or more based on previous years' record. But this would be the first overnight stunt. What I'm mad at is that there were no prior warning, no SMSes, no calls, nothing.

Frankly, I was shocked and mad, because it was already planned, including the intention NOT to inform me. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. It would've been ok with me, so I feel this is a totally disrespectful thing to do to wives. That scheming snake. It saddens me because I am anything but a control queen. It saddens me because I feel like I've been tricked. It saddens me because he is my husband.

I have to admit. At times, I wish very hard that I'm not a mother and I'm not a wife. In fact I wish I live alone on a beautiful island, that has uninterrupted FAST wireless network and Haagen Dazs. I wish I am a nobody.

Sigh... this too shall pass.


Kenny said...

after reading your blog, my wife decided to stay home to take care of our little Aidan.

Ally said...

Aidan is only few months old, of course your wife will have to take care of him. When he's 3, and even if your wife is a stay home mom, you may probably decide that going to nursery or playgroup for at least few hours a day will be good for him. You will still go through the guilt thing. Guilt will always eat you even when you're trying your best to do the best for your child. Parenthood is a amazing isn't it.

Kean Hong said...

next year will be my turn!

Angeline said...

hey totally get you my dear.

i used to have all the doubts like you-- but I've since realised that if your treat your kid like he is a fragile basket case, then he will be a fragile basket case. but if you treat him like his a strong man who can stand on his own two feet and go to kindy like a big man, then he will be one. remember that children are very intuitive and they sense your guilt and insecurities and they act accordingly. i noticed that lana became more confident about going to daycare as soon as my words and body language showed that i trust her to be a big girl and take care of herself at day care, because she really is a big kid now who can ask for what she wants and push the bullies away.

Ally said...

Yes I totally agree with you girl! Children are actually very resilient. We underestimate them too much sometimes. Parenthood is a very exciting learning course ain't it.

Anonymous said...

Develop independence and your kids will follow;
There are many type of Loves; and there is only one type of love create separation. It is the love between Parent and Child.

Ally, you are still the best house wife i think.