Two Blue Lines

Three years ago around this time, I was reeling from shock. The shock that followed after my eyes set upon two blue lines that appeared almost instantly on the home pregnancy kit. The two blue lines that changed my life. The two blue lines that I wasn't ready to see. The two blue lines that were saying "Yes, it's true. Deny all you want".

I was almost 28.

The immediate thoughts were:
1. THIS CAN'T BE IT. But I knew kits were pretty accurate, no point peeing on 9 sticks.

2. This CAN'T be it.

3. NO WAY. I'm not fertile! OK, gimme some time for this one as it goes a long way back. All my life, I'm fed with the idea that I, will not be able to bear a child. Because as a young girl, I was scrawny skinny gangly and looked fragile ( I actually wasn't ). You know how when aunts and moms gather to chat and gossip and make up stories, in the end of it all, they always turn to me and shake their head. Once, in a fit of rage (I merely forgotten to drink the tonic she brewed that day), she laid a curse on me that felt so real I knew it's going to be real. In that 5 minute curse, sentences like these became a permanent mantra in my head ever since, even till now. "You will NEVER bear a son for Paul" "You will NEVER have babies"
Caught your skin didn't it. Then my vision came back to the two blue lines.

4. But we're NOT married yet. This is the thrilling part. It was a wee bit too soon. Or maybe it was an alarm clock. He proposed on Valentine's day that year. He cooked lamb chop and cut carrots into shape of hearts. I was home late after a long traffic jam. I was cranky, but he was patiently waiting. We ate our candlelit dinner. And he says the usual prelude men sometimes say when they are about to dig their own graves, like "We've been together for how long darling? 5 years? And in this 5 years, we...*this this this*. You *this this this*, I *this this this*" I didn't see it coming really. And then he kneeled down, with a ring in his hand. Instantly, I cried. This is the mysterious part. I had absolutely NO control why I cried. I would NEVER cry at proposals! It still makes me wonder. Maybe the heart says its for real. Another funny part is, we never planned our wedding after the engagement. Traditionally, after you get proposed, you announce it, then you set the date and start planning like any good girl would do right? We did not. It was la la la, just another day today and tomorrow, la la la.

Until the two blue lines.

The two blue lines that stopped the time, and changed almost everything I once believed in.

Now, for the first time, we WANT to see two blue lines. We want to smile and cry for joy. We humans are picky and demanding innit.