Monday, September 18, 2006


It's been two months since Daniel and I made a trip to Seremban. Paul was there last weekend and a month ago too, on his own since he was travelling to KL for work purposes. In fact, we should've postponed the trip because he had to fly off to KL this morning for a training till Wednesday. So much travelling for him.

This trip was a must anyway. My mother-in-law has been unwell recently, menopausal symptoms and rheumatism being the suspected causes. She did not sleep nor eat well, had joint discomforts and very recently, her feet swelled tremendously. The same doctor she went to, kept giving her painkiller jabs. At this point, I felt she should've sought a second opinion. But being the typical old folk who are strong stubborn creatures of habit, she still trusted that doctor.

One morning at the market, her feet swelled so much she couldn't squat, and her arms went numb. My father-in-law and her panicked. After a few quick arrangements, some relatives came to her aid and whisk her off to a private hospital.

She was diagnosed with systemic erythematosus lupus, a condition of chronic inflammation caused by an autoimmune disease. It is believed that her kidneys were starting to be affected, hence the feet swelling. There are more blood tests and possible biopsies to be performed before establishing a treatment regime.

Now she is on REAL medication, and her symptoms have subsided rather significantly, which is a positive and happy sign for everyone.

During the initial period of diagnosis, she thought her kidneys have hopelessly failed. She was very fearful. I can understand how she feels, being 'uneducated' about biology and medicine. People always have more fear about the unknowns.

When we left yesterday, she asked me when we are coming again. I told her we all try our best to visit as often as we can.

Some say that as we get older, we have less time for ourselves. How true. Suddenly, the clock is ticking so fast I can hardly breath. Every minute in my life has to be decided whom it should be spent with. Friends whom parent just passed away would tell me " Spend more time with your dad/mom, you will regret that you didn't do more when they're gone". OK, more time for my mom, dad and in-laws. And yah, it doesn't help much when my parents are separated, and I am bonding with them separately which means more time has to be allocated for each of them.

And then there is the "Spend more quality time with your growing child" which is very crucial for the development of the nation's coming generation, we won't want any sampah masyarakat (trash of society) now do we? OK, more time for Daniel and his little antics.

Oh, then there is "Make it a point to spend some private time with your spouse to keep emotional engagement going for a happy(ier) marriage" OK, more time for Paul and I ( sex not counted OK, we're talking about EMOtional engagements)

Best one I've heard so far " Have some time for yourself" WOW, you mean, there's ME?? OK, more time for myself, and it starts now.. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Done.

Our parents went through this at harder times. Why do I feel like I can't do it as well as they did?


Angeline said...

My Dear
If I were you, my priorities would be:
1. Daniel
2. Parents
3. In-Laws

After all, your in-laws have each other and their own children. Your parents have only one child, you. Daniel has you and Paul plus he is completely helpless and needs and deserves all the attention he can get from his mom and dad.

Count how many years you have spent with your parents - very many eh?, then count how many years you've spent with Daniel, eh not even 2. Your parents have had their time with you, it's Daniel's turn.

Not to say completely neglect your in-laws and parents lah. Just saying if I were you, I would spend like 80-90% of whatever free time I have with Daniel.

Then after he goes to bed, treat yourself to a foot maasage from hubby.

Ally said...

Good point. You have set me back to the right track dear. Thank you! Sometimes, I get off-track and start questioning myself if I did everything right.. just one of those phase.

Anonymous said...

nice one angeline.Take care ley yin