Monday, September 15, 2014

The Tin Anniversary

My 10th Year Anniversary with the hubs is in November this year. Here's the thing, is it a big deal? One friend of mine spent it like any other day, had dinner at home with the kids and in-law, and another friend booked a 10 days vacation in France to celebrate it.

So I looked up for a little 'guide' on the internet and found these information nuggets.

"The tenth year of marriage celebration is the first of the major milestone anniversaries. As you celebrate this special 10th wedding anniversary, think about the durability of your commitment to one another for a full decade."
That's what a decade feels like. Wow. And first of the major milestone. Uh-oh, my firsts are usually disasters. Our first anniversary was nothing. Literally nothing, until the last minute. No restaurant reservations were made, no flowers, no gifts, nothing. When we did go to a nothing-fancy restaurant, I cried. YES, I CRIED. I cried because I was disappointed and my expectations unexpectedly crushed. I thought it was a general rule that men would know what to do about first anniversaries. So it seemed then, it was my first lesson about men. The good that came out of it is that, from that year on, he always made the effort.

So how about the 10th? Should I expect something? Should I do something? Or should I resign myself to a usual nothing-fancy day.

And then the truth hit me. Beneath this superficial question, there is a deeper question I should answer. Are we really happy in our marriage? There is this thing about concluding that you're not actually happy, when you overanalyze. A lot of things become questionable when you overthink. Isn't it?

Today at work, I was involved in an audit. All these years, I've never had an external audit where another party assess and evaluate everything about my workplace. Our 'relaxed, practical and informal' setting was questioned. All of a sudden, I felt that my workplace isn't that well-managed after all. And there were many things we could improve to bring ourselves to greater heights.

Is this same for marriages? What is a happy marriage? What is the benchmark? It must be occupational hazard because I need a reading! Some kind of measurable results! But feelings cannot be measured. 

Love cannot be measured. But I'll take the number 10 for now. 

1 comment:

Lokman said...

I think a decade of staying together calls for something special. You could organize something small but meaningful and send him an invitation card well in advance so that he makes that day available. Men tend to think on the larger scale and things like anniversaries, birthdays, etc, seldom make it to their list.