Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Skinny is As Skinny Does

10 Things
1. Water tastes like shit to me now. I live on juice, diluted Ribena and Sarsi, soup, and chrysanthemum tea.
2. I'm controlling gag reflexes throughout the day. Morning sickness my big smooth ass. It's fucking-wholeday sickness.
3. I'm bloated, I'm not. I'm bloated, I'm not. My new pastime is farting. The silent kind.
4. Fong yao is my new best friend.
5. Can't sleep well.
6. Watching Naked Chef makes me seasick. Been watching the Asian Food Channel. I want to be Nigella and I want her kitchen.
7. I want to watch chick flicks, namely The Proposal (Ryan Reynolds is H O T ).
8. I can multitask like a pro. Procrastinate, slack and stone all at the same time. Woo hoo.
9. I lost weight recently.
10. I cry easily at sad TV scenes now.

Because I'm hormonal and have the right to be, I shall talk a bit on point no.9.

I'm thin. Genetically, blessed with this CNPOW gene. Can Never Put On Weight gene.

Why leh? Same reason the Earth is the only habitable planet in the universe. *roll eyes*

SO, I've lived with it. People have been commenting on my weight for the longest time. I used to get sensitive and hurt when I was younger, like a teenager. I was dark, lanky, nerdy and skinny. Just like famous supermodels and A-list actresses when they were younger! Except for Megan Fox, she looks hot throughout her life so far. Bitch.
I tried to prove 'em wrong. But the genes won. So I accepted that I am what I am and I don't give a rat's ass. As long as I'm walkin' and talkin', and havin' a good time.

Here's the real deal. Let's talk about courtesy. Imagine a fat cousin/friend during weddings or new year gatherings or other gatherings or just on the street. You don't say "Wah lao, you so fat!". Even most old aunties won't say it out loud. The most is "Hey, maybe you should lose some weight there". It's like an understood rule of courtesy that you don't say the F word because it is sensitive and it hurts. Same thing if a person is ugly.

When it comes to skinny folks, people are more quick and generous on their comments. They think it's different, like it's not going to hurt as much as being called fat. And usually they sound sympathetic like someone just died. You know, the face. The "Awww... so sad" face. Or the disapproving look. I got that a lot.

Skinny comments are fine actually. Things like "Oh you lost weight la, are you ok?" That's genuine concern. It's alright. Some think I don't eat enough. It's alright too because I know I do and that is what matters. Some say "Husband not feeding you enough ah". It's alright too, because I know he will get me the chocolate cake from Season's anytime I want it. All in all, the skinny comments I got is alright. They're considered mild and harmless until...

...I met the Ultimate Panel of Missile Judge. She is a the wife of the husband's friend. She's the typical fair and chubby prosperous looking lao pan niang. She's friendly, talkative and 'social' like a typical lao pan niang. One day hubz and I dropped by her massage centre because she got her maid to cook us some assam fish curry (OK thank you). This was only the second time we met.

The moment I walked in and until I got out, it really felt like someone just died. She looks at me from head to toe, and shakes her head like I'm a little dying kitten. The wince. Oh yeah... the wince. "AIYO, jiang sou!" Repeat 200x.

She holds my arm and inspects it up and down, occasionally pinching here and there lightly. She does the TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK. She looks constipated. And then I just smile and nod and give her the "I'm so sorry I'm not Lydia Sum" face.

The whole ten minutes. No how-are-you, no eaten-already?, no hello. Just AIYO jiang sou. Like I'm a freak show circus, and you want to make your 2 bucks worth.

Some people can be insensitive or just forgetful about their manners. They don't realize it hurts sometimes. Like fat people being called fat for ten whole minutes and the TSK TSK TSK part. It's..... humiliating, no?

The general belief is that it's easier to gain weight than lose weight. Because majority of population is trying to lose weight at some point of time. That explains 9 out of 10 ads are for slimming. And there so many slimming techniques around. Latest technology summore.

But if you want to gain weight? Sure, you have Gain milk powder and the common "Aiya, just eat more hamburger la". No latest technology. So pathetic genetically skinny people like me are stuck with two choices, which by the way, are not likely to help. So how? Just practise the smile and nod.

I'm not sour about being thin. I'm sour about the encounter with the fat bitch. Anyway, I lost a bit weight for a blessing, so it's fine by me. Tell me how you can eat when you feel like puking your brains out all the time right.


Angeline said...

First 3 months for me was hell too. Never felt so bad ever. I think Chew Kek is trying to put on some weight too, maybe you can commiserate with her about fat aunties.

Ally said...

LOL! Ya, we should probably set up a club ... Skinny So What. Our agenda is to go around creating awareness of 'fat diseases' among the fat aunties and holding free health check. We will pass them the results with a concerned look. MUAHAHAHHAA!