Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Of Mums and Babies

As parents grow older, they become more like babies. As I have discovered over the years, my mommy dearest and I have our countless encounters of little fights. And I always wonder, who is the petty one? Who is the sensitive one? Who is the UNreasonable one? Who started it? And we take days of silent who-gonna-call-who-first approach before one of us initiate dinner. This sounds like a couple fighting and making up. But in this case, I have to be the one to pujuk right? Of course, needless to say. So who is the baby now? I guess life is like a cycle. I'm going to be a baby down the road, and Daniel is going to hate me... like the saying, "You're not a parent until your kid hates you" I really don't know what to do sometimes, and I feel bad even when I'm convinced I did nothing wrong. I feel like an evil heartless ingrate deserve to burn in hell. But why did my parents' problems became mine? Why do I have to carry the luggage of your past folly? One good thing I've learnt is, bear the consequences of whatever decision and action I do, don't regret doing something, don't blame it on everybody else, and let the past go. She's still hanging on to her past, and has so much angst inside, she'll never be happy and content. And I've been hanging on with her, I'm getting tired, I need to let go and live my life too. But deep down I want to be by her side and make her happy...

1 comment:

Angeline said...

My dearest LY.
Your mama must have gone to the same school as mine.
You are right, the past is the past and it is doesn't exist except in the mind.
Maybe, you can ask your mom a favour to not mention anything about the past when you are together?