No TV

I impose a No-TV timezone at home, from 2-5pm. Because I want the boys to be bored. Because when you're bored, you are forced to create your own activity. In which I hope they will do other things like playing with the toys I bought for them every Christmases and birthdays, drawing , reading and just day-dreaming. Because it makes them more creative.

Does it? I don't really know for sure, but I think there might be some truth it this.

So last night, Darren confessed that he watched TV during the forbidden timezone. AGAIN.

Not the first or second or third time.

I had it. I scolded him for real. Yelled and glared, and everything monsters do to scare kids.

You know that cry that makes you catch your breath? Darren cried like that for the first time (lucky kid), and he was scared and kept crying. After what seemed like eternity, he was standing in a corner, still crying. I asked him, "Why are you still crying?"

" *catching breath* because... *catching breath* *sob sob* I cannot breath properly *wail*"

I have never, in my life, resisted a laughter this hard before. And he looked SOOOOOO adorable. And so poor thing.

But I was still disciplining. I sat him on this bed, where he was still sobbing and trying to catch his breath. After another eternity, I caved in. I held him in my arms and patted his back.

So, today, it is NO TV day. Yes, the whole damn day. Good for them.

First swim

Darren is now 6, and has been reluctant to submerge his entire head in water. He can put half his face into the water, for 2 seconds. That's about it.

Last weekend, he did it. Out of the blue. I squealed with delight. He also swam for the first time. Like Daniel's first swim, I was beaming with pride of joy.

Growing up fast!

School holidays

I think every mother scratches her head when it comes to school holiday activities to fill her kids' days while she is at work. Well, same thing if she's a stay home mom too.

Basically, I just don't want them to watch too much TV and play too much gadget games.

So I drew up a timetable for them. I tell you, children LOVE timetables. Yes, it is true that children, especially boys, strive in a structured organization with routines and hierarchy.

I'm a fair mom, so I allocated a fair amount of time for TV and games. I also allocated time for them to play with physical toys because I spent so much money on Legos and that semi-automated Nerf gun which required an expensive battery.

Apart from fun, they will also have to read their books and do their workbooks. Oh, did I tell you I enrolled them in Kumon just this month? So, they have worksheets to complete on a daily basis. I love that.. hahah.

And in the mornings, they have to water the plants, and spend some time with their pet terrapins.. OUTSIDE. They learnt their lesson a few months ago when the terrapins suffered from eye infections and didn't eat for 2 weeks. I brought the shelly friends to the vet and was prescribed antibacterial eyedrops and was told that if their condition don't improve, they will die off.

OMG. So I started to research on everything about terrapins. I thought they are pretty hardy to look after! So apparently, you HAVE to let it bask in sunlight everyday, and clean their tank and refill with fresh clean water.

Thank goodness, after a week of treatment, they recovered! The boys could see how serious it was when the terrapins refused to eat, and when I told them they will die if they continue to starve. They saw how upset I was too. So when the terrapins took their first bite in weeks, we were so elated!

So now, their morning routine is prevent-terrapins-from-dying-under-the-irresponsible-clutches-of-the-great-masters.

I would like to introduce them to gardening and regrowing vegetables, but first I need to buy soil and pots. Fingers crossed!

Darren's First Concert Performance

BJ Kindeeland had its 19th Annual Concert and Graduation Ceremony last Saturday at Southern College. Ahh... brings back memories of Daniel in his costumes, haha. This time it was Darren's turn, and it was his first stage performance! He has been practicing his solo poem recital for a month.

When we arrived, we dropped him off at the gathering site where some kids are already in their costumes. Some parents were putting make-up on their kids and such. Crying was heard too. I can't tell you how funny such events are, and how awesome the teachers are! Imagine handling 30-50 kindergarteners in costumes!

So, we passed him to his teacher to dress him up. Now, this was the mistake we did. We stood there. What we should've done was to walk away. Just like a child's first day in school. Always walk away. Out. Of. Sight.

What happened? We started to fuss over him. Like adjusting his this and that. Then he didn't want to wear his headgear. I tried persuasion Level 1. Didn't work. Persuasion Level 2, didn't work either. By Level 3, eyes were swelling already. Uh-oh.... you know what happens when one domino falls. It is a catastrophic effect. OK, no headgear then. 

Before drama started...

I was the strong one. I left the site and went into the hall to sit. Then the husband calls with a serious tone "Come quickly".

He wants to go home. Uh-oh. Not in a mood huh?

We tried to leave him and as we entered the hall, we heard him crying. Uh-oh. Maybe we should go home. The teachers made the kids queue to go backstage, and while all the others were already walking in lines, Darren still refused to budge. A teacher gently but firmly pulled him along as he wailed even more... "DOWAN! DOWAN!" Oh dear, did we do something wrong?

I said a little prayer.

So, we sat on our seats, hoping for the best and expecting a no-show. We paid for the tickets, might as well enjoy the rest of the concert right? Maybe Taylor Swift might appear as a guest...

I told Daniel that his brother is crying and wants to go home. I think he felt a bit sympathetic and started to feel nervous for him because he was talking non-stop... hahaha, a mother knows.

And so, we sat through performances after performances... Darren's was the 7th show, during the 6th show, my heart was beating like crazy. I'm usually cool about these things but don't know why, I was getting nervous! I think it was the suspense. We were clueless what was happening backstage. Did he settle down? Or was he traumatized? No idea...

When the 6th performance finished... my heart jumped out. Jeng jeng jeng..

And there he was... walking out from the side of the stage curtain, together with 3 other friends. 

Our jaws dropped. He looked ok.

Then he walked to the center of the stage where the mike was, and started to recite his poem. He was cool, clear and smooth. AND I WAS NOT RECORDING IT! I think we were flabbergasted. Thank goodness there will be a CD recording of the event.

After all the 4 kids finished reciting, they scurried back to the stage, and the curtains drew. 

The music started and two main characters did a play first. Darren was the male lead! Our jaws dropped again. Then I laughed a lot. So he is this butterfly flying around and gives a bouquet of flowers to a girl and they danced around the stage with the other 'bees', 'trees', 'plants' and 'ladybirds'. So cute. The song was a touching piano and vocal one which had the words "I can fly". Watching my little firecracker dancing innocently to that song evoked a heartwarming feeling and I almost cried!

*Sob*... he is growing up so fast....  

The Age of 5

I've said it many times, 5 is perhaps the cutest age for a kid to be. I have a weakness for a kid's sweet innocence.

The other night, Darren chose to sleep on my bed, well more like toss and turn. This happens now and then. He either creep back to his own bed or really fall asleep on my bed where I then carry him back to his bed. So cute.

So the other night, as we lay beside each other (so cute), I held his hand with my palm facing up. We closed our eyes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Then he gently, very discreetly released his little hand from mine... like how we moms try to escape from our infants who just fell asleep.

SO. CUTE.

If only every home has a cute 5 year-old in it, this world will be a happier place.

Happy Moms vs Angry Moms

I came across What Happy Moms Do That Angry Moms Don't.

First of all, I think angry moms are not directly angry at her children. An angry mom has issues she is dealing with and it makes her stressed, tensed, worried, frustrated and unhappy. And we all know that dealing with children is whole issue altogether, so when an angry mom is already trying to cope dealing with her internal issues, how is she going to be this happy lovey dovey sweet talking mom? Ya ya, you can do it if you try, there are ways to do this, you say. But it. Is. Hard.

Anyway, here are what happy moms do or don't do:

1. Happy moms don't expect perfection - I learnt this after 3 years.

2. Happy moms make you happy - I think I do...do I?

3. Happy moms pick their battles - in another words, close one eye, let go of the little trivial things.

4. Happy moms are honest - my glaring eyes means they are going to get it real bad.

5. Happy moms play hard - I used to play hard with my firstborn, then I got really tired.

6. Happy moms really listen - Yes, this I do.

7. Happy moms teach - Yes, I do too.

8. Happy moms choose to be happy - sometimes I don't realize we can choose to be happy. If one can choose so easily, then this whole world will be a happy place, right? So, don't bluff me here.

So, my conclusion is, a happy mom is a happy person first. A happy person is a happy mom, happy wife, happy worker, happy daughter, happy daughter-in-law, happy aunt and a happy friend.

So settle that internal issue first, if you can.

Brotherly Bickerings

So, last week, in fact for the past couple of weeks, my boys have been nothing but the meanest, most annoying, most crazily clashed with each other. It was like a very bad planetary misalignment cosmic clash.

Naturally, I was more harsh on Daniel because he was obviously the older one and I'd expect some maturity and kindness from him. He went on and on like this, FOR TWO BLARDY WEEKS THAT'S LIKE 14, OR 15, OR WTFC DAYS:

"Darren is a baby girl"

"Darren is a naughty girl"

"Darren is a naughty baby girl"

And he'd scoff at WHATEVER Darren says or do. At times, I really feel for the little one for being picked on.

Darren on the other hand, was being bossy, and always insisted on getting what he wants, albeit in an adorable way. At 5, everything about him is adorable, I must admit. Even Daniel was adorable at that age.

But I consciously honestly try my very utmost best to play fair. I'd listen to both sides of their stories because sentencing them. I'd resist yelling (failed miserably last night after Daniel's intolerable behaviour of 'caving himself' in which he totally ignored family members during dinner and that is plain rude and unacceptable to me). I'd tried to lecture in a loving way.

Anyway, I've really had it with their bickering. So I made them time-out from each other like this for 10 minutes, which probably feels like 10 years to them. No talking, no eye contact, no touching, no lip-syncing.

I was impressed that Darren stayed that way without fidgeting, while Daniel was still restlessly moving around. That ostrich position was like his 8th before he really stayed put. I actually checked on Darren if he fell asleep, but he wasn't!

Truth is, every mom's heart break when her children fight. I secretly pitied the weaker or the more naive one, but at the same time I also had to lecture and show that I still love the other one.

I hope I'm not doing anything catastrophically wrong with handling this sibling war thing.

Ride With Me, Draw With Me

First of, I seldom blog about my boys anymore. I used to blog frequently about Daniel. About the fun things we do together and his milestones. But internet is a weird place. I have heard about photos being stolen and used for undesirable activities, locations and identities being risked and all, so that scared me a bit. It's being in between "Bah, nobody reads this" to "OMIGOD, someone will come and find us".
Drama hor?

Anyway, my boys are growing up so fast bla bla bla. You know, in some remote province of Jimbulu Des Castello. And their names are George and Charlotte... ahem.

This five-year-old charm just rode the bicycle without the baby wheels, for the first time! I was just as elated as when Daniel first rode the bicycle too. Ah, the milestone, the joy and pride.

And my ten year-old Daniel is becoming a tweenager. Gah! The rebellious streak has started.. the roll-eyes, the silent respond, the grumps, the anti-everything, the Animax channel lover, and MOST of all, the but-Darren-did-this-did-that.

OH, the brotherly fights. I can't stand it!  It breaks my heart when they are in a nasty verbal exchange. I guess I should be lucky that they have never had ANY physical fights... errm, so far. Nope, no punching, no, biting, no pinching till skin breaks, no hair pulling, no kicking, no slapping. And I love them for that.

Deep down I think they love each other, and when they get along once in a while, it warms my heart.

Gosh, I wanted to say that Daniel enjoys drawing these days... the sibling rivalry distracted me. So, he feels good that he draws quite well. The other day, he drew the Hulk and Ironman toy figurine they got from TGV Avengers Combo Set promo, and I thought his drawings were awesome! Well, in an amateur kind of way. (photos another time)

Then a couple of nights ago, as we were all drawing on the dining table, I asked him to sketch my portrait. You know, I was expecting something like a Disney princess...but....

Without further ado.

Now that broke my heart, because I've always thought I was a beautiful woman. At least add some eyelashes la! 

Ha ha. Till the next update...

Love

You know, I'm a working mom. My boys don't see me in the morning at all. I come home at between 6.30 to 7.30pm. Then I spend some time with them until bedtime at 10pm. Sometimes, I feel I am not doing enough or giving them enough of my time. Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit my job. Is this all worth it? 

Then Darren drew this for his homework. He said we are hugging after a long day. And he loves me.

That's my name, with an inverted 'y'...

HE LOVES ME!  I can go back to work now *grin*

Mummy Sleep With Me?

Daniel is going to be 10 this year, and he still make the 'sleep with me?' request at bedtime.

And almost always, I gave him an unfavourable response. I would immediately and naturally put on the mad look that conveyed "What the... I am tired and I still have so many things to do, YOU THINK I'M SO FREE AH!" message.

And every time I tell him "No, go sleep", my heart crushes but my body is dying to go back to my own bed to retire for the night.

What happened Ally. I feel so disappointed in myself. From the start, even as a newborn, he'd want me to lie down beside him as he falls asleep. It was rewarding many times but there were times I felt I wasted hours away just lying there, just waiting for him to doze off while thinking about the unfinished laundry, the unwashed dishes, the unswept floor, the undone everything. It also meant I could only sleep later, and that meant I would be more tired. Imagine this on a daily basis! How not to feel mad. I had wished he could understand me when I said "Can you just give me a break tonight?"

All those bedtime clingy years passed, and now, though he is not so clingy anymore, which is healthy, he'd still long for that bedtime accompaniment. And I want to have our bedtime rituals, I want to share secrets and talk about our day and I want him to tell me about his inner most feelings.

However, I don't know how to really explain this little voice inside me, it feels like my instincts are telling me to gradually let go and let him grow into a man now. Which means no clingy needy lovey dovey cuddly mushy kissy huggy nights. I don't mean cutting it off totally, but rather cutting down the frequency.

This reminds me to start preaching him on finding his spiritual self. Or is it something you naturally discover by yourself? Whatever comes naturally, I will still cherish our bedtime rituals until he doesn't want me on his bed anymore...

*sob*

This article woke me up.

Five Rules Smart Parents Never Break

Written by Daniel Wong, a learning and personal development expert, and a certified youth counselor. Taken from here.

Rule #1: Focus on progress, not performance

We live in a society that's obsessed with key performance indicators (KPIs) as a measure of success.

It's no surprise that we take the same approach when it comes to parenting. Parents closely monitor their children's performance in exams, co-curricular activities, and many other areas too.

But when parents are overly focused on performance, children often start to think that all that matters is the outcome, not the process.

It's crucial that parents help their children to understand that life is a continuous journey of learning, improving and developing. Results are important, but the growth process is far more important.

For children who don't understand this, their self-worth can become based entirely on their performance, which is detrimental to their future development.

If you're a parent, I encourage you to make an intentional effort to acknowledge the positive behaviour or attitude demonstrated by your children, so that they'll concentrate on these areas which they have control over in trying to reach their desired outcomes.

This will put the attention on being engaged in the process, rather than being concerned only about the results.

Rule #2: Allow your children to make mistakes

All parents want their children to be perfect. This implies that their children don't make mistakes.

Of course, we all know that no one's perfect, but you'd be surprised at how hard many parents try to prevent their children from making any mistakes at all.

It's through mistakes that children learn and grow, so parents should allow children to make plenty of errors. It goes without saying, however, that if your children are about to do something criminal or physically dangerous, then you should step in.

Don't shelter your children from experiences where they're likely to go through some amount ofstruggle, disappointment and pain, because these experiences are the ones that will shape your children for the better.

Rule #3: Show your children respect

Please don't get me wrong; I'm not suggesting that you become a pushover or that you let your children walk all over you.

It's important to set clear boundaries and expectations for your children, but this should be done respectfully.

Parents tend to greatly value obedience from their children, and they feel like they aren't good parents if their children are disobedient.

While obedience is important, it can sometimes come at the expense of the parent-child relationship. Your children might be extremely obedient when you're around (yet secretly resent you), but may change their behaviour completely when you're not around.

The true test of parenting is how your children adapt to life in the "real world" once they leave home. This means that the primary goal of parenting isn't to nurture children who are obedient; instead, it's to nurture children who are mature and independent.

Show respect to your children by involving them in the decision-making process whenever possible, asking for their opinions, and never speaking to them as if they'll never be able to make wise choices on their own.

Firmly establish the expectation within your family that the respect should be mutual, meaning that your children should also communicate respectfully with you.

Rule #4: Avoid praising your children for their intelligence (or any other trait that isn't under their direct control)

It's common to hear parents say the following to their children:

• 'So clever!'
• 'So smart!'
• 'So pretty!'
• 'So handsome!'

Dr. Carol Dweck, world-renowned psychologist at Stanford University, has done some fascinating work on just how harmful it can be to children when you praise them in this way.

(Coincidentally, I had the honour of co-presenting with Dr. Dweck at an education conference last month. Her research is incredible, and she's a really nice person too!)

When parents praise their children for characteristics that largely cannot be controlled, such as intelligence or beauty, the children can become obsessed about living up to these labels.

Take intelligence as an example. If your daughter answers a science question correctly and you say to her "Wow, so smart!", what do you think she'll start to associate being "smart" with? Naturally, with being able to solve science questions.

Dr. Dweck discovered that children who are praised for being "smart", like in the example I just mentioned, tend to avoid trying out challenging problems in the future, because this would put their "smartness" in jeopardy.

As a parent, I'm sure you want your children to take the initiative in stepping outside of their comfort zone and taking on new challenges. So what should you do instead?

Praise them for their effort and their choices. Rather than saying "Wow, so smart!" to your daughter, you could say something like this instead: 'That was a challenging question that you just solved. I saw that you spent 30 minutes getting to the final solution. That's a good effort. I'm proud of you for putting in the time to make sure you really understand the concept. Aren't challenges fun?"

This kind of praise helps to instill in your children the understanding that challenging tasks are fun. Unfortunately, many children grow up with the mindset that challenging tasks should be avoided!

Rule #5: Allow natural consequences to run their course, unless there are very good reasons not to

Many parents confess to me that they nag their children.

All. The. Time.

So if you feel like you're a serial nagger, rest assured that you're not alone. In fact, parents frequently share with me that they feel like nagging is the only weapon in their arsenal to try and get their children to comply — but that it hardly ever works.

Instead of nagging, I recommend that, as much as possible, parents allow natural consequences to run their course. Consequences are often the best teacher. After all, adapting to the "real world" is all about making choices and dealing with the consequences of those choices.

For instance, if your son forgets to bring his completed homework assignment to school, don't bail him out. When his teacher punishes him, he'll learn the importance of being organised so that he won't forget to bring his homework to school the next time.

Here's another example. It's common for children to leave their dirty clothes — usually their school uniform — lying on the floor, instead of placing them in the laundry basket. (It's even better if you've trained your children to do their own laundry, because then you definitely won't have this issue!)

A lot of parents will nag at their children not to repeat this behaviour, but will pick up the dirty school uniform and put it in the laundry basket anyway.

I encourage you not to do this. Instead, allow the natural consequences to run their course. Eventually, your children won't have any clean school uniform to wear, and they'll be forced to re-wear their dirty ones.

Once the dirty school uniform starts smelling bad enough, their friends will probably notice, and might not even want to hang around them because of the stench.

Quite quickly, your children will learn that it's a good idea to put their dirty clothes in the laundry. And you won't even have to nag!

It's important that when you allow natural consequences to occur, you don't do so with an "I told you so" attitude. That attitude is sure to cause your children to become both annoyed and angry with you.

On the contrary, your tone and attitude should communicate to your children that you're on the same team as them, and that you want them to find long-term success.

In closing...

Some rules in life can be broken. But if you break the five rules described in this article, you may end up with a broken relationship with your children, which may affect their chances of success later on in life.

I encourage you to give it a try following these rules, and see how well your children respond.

Wishing you all the best on the crazy and exciting journey of parenthood!

Motherhood and Sarcasm

Some time ago, a colleague showed me a small picture book she found in the library and it cracked me up. Here are some of my favourite pages...

 This one looks creepily like Kirsten Stewart

The Mother I Once Was...

A beautifully honest parenting essay.

I think a lot of first-time working mothers go through it. Being in the prime of our lives, trying to be the best mother for the first time, trying to strike in our careers.. all at the same time. There were very little space for mistakes and enjoyment. Time was always tight. Everything was always moving fast. Husbands were blamed and flamed. And I am thankful for mine, who just stood by me and allowed me to evolve naturally to be the person I am today.

And most of all, to my firstborn, who has received all my music with grace. He is such a loving and sensitive boy and my heart is wrenched thinking about all those times I yelled and said mean things to him. I was just a messed up mad woman back then, huh?

But deep down, all I wanted to do was watch him grow while I say "It's ok sweetheart, mummy still loves you".

Thoughts and Ideas for Parenting Stubborn & Determined Young Children

Taken from here.

At the dinner table, my two year old asked for water. I poured some into the glass that was at her place setting and she started protesting. The glass in front of her was not the purple fairy cup she wanted. She said “I don’t want that one…no no no…I not eating or drink until the fairy cup [is] on the table.”

While I think it’s wonderful that my daughter has an opinion and a wish for a different cup, dinner was already underway. I had to think for a second, do I fetch a new cup to avoid a meltdown?  Do I stand my ground and refuse to get a new cup?  Is there any other alternative to either giving in or standing my ground?

Some parents may say that water is water in any cup and if a child is thirsty will they just drink eventually anyways. Other parents may get up immediately and fetch the purple fairy cup to avoid tears or a meltdown that could throw off the entire evening routine. I think there is a way to meet in the middle!

My two, soon to be three year old, like her brothers before her and most children her age, is very determined. She knows what she wants and likes to have things done a certain way, but, she is also learning to be flexible and we are learning to work together instead of against each other. Here are some ideas that have been helpful along the way:

Differentiate needs and wants

Meeting our children’s needs for food, comfort, attention and affection is vital to their well being   so, If you feel like your child is being really “needy” or “demanding” try to notice if your child’s needs are truly being met.  Sometimes what comes across as demanding may really just your child’s way of letting you know something is missing or some need is not being met.

Use Limits, Kindness and Choices wisely

Children that experience limits that are set with kindness and that feel a sense of belonging and are encouraged to cooperate naturally tend to become flexible, responsible, happy and well adjusted. It’s alright to say no to certain requests, but do so with kindness and empathy. When possible add a choice that is reasonable as an alternative too.

• “I know you want to stay home and play AND it’s time to climb into the car seat. Let’s go together, do you want to help me unlock the car?” or “It’s time to go. Do you need help getting into the car seat or will you do it alone?”
• “I know you want to do it your way AND I worry it will break. Let’s both stop and think it through. What’s your idea?”

Expect and Support Disappointment

Once you set a limit, tears may be inevitable, especially when a child is very determined to do something that is not acceptable or safe.  Tears happen because it’s the child’s way of expressing disappointment and frustration and these tears don’t need to be shushed away or pacified with a distraction. We can be a supportive presence and allow the disappointment to unfold and be authentically felt – this is how a child will learn about flexibility and how to move forward.

Change the labels

It’s tiring sometimes to deal with all the stubbornness or demands, but I’ve found that transforming the labels we give to our children and their behavior makes a huge difference in how we approach them.  These are some of the words I try to transform to be more positive:

• Stubborn or strong willed = determined, courageous
• demanding = decisive, daring, confident
• wild = creative, energetic, spunky, enthusiastic

When we look at our children with positive lenses and see that we can love them, just the way they are, the labels actually don’t matter so much anymore because we see a whole child – a whole being that needs love and acceptance all the time, not just when they are being “good” or  following directions or when we are getting along conflict free.

Understand the developmental stage

Expectations and understanding of our child’s developmental abilities are sometimes a bit, and sometimes lot off track and end up causing a lot of conflict.Two and three year old children naturally resist parental commands, it’s their way of letting us know they are becoming an individual, with ideas and thoughts all of their own! If what we expect and what our children can really do simply do not match then we all feel frustrated. 

Keep Things Predictable & Plan Well

Routines are fantastic for young children, and with really determined children one thing that works well is to have some flexibility and enough time built into the routine to allow for some of that negotiation that will naturally start to take place. Start transitioning between activities  sooner than you think you should and avoid rushing as much as possible.    Children like the predictability and assertive children like to keep some control over their own decisions.

Focus on Encouragement and  Cooperation instead of Compliance

Power struggles often happen when parents expect compliance and forget to involve their child in the process. Children on the other hand have ideas of their own but aren’t always able to express them!  When children feel involved, capable, connected to their parents and still able to maintain a certain amount of control over their own destiny children naturally tend to cooperate.   Instead of demanding that your determined child comply or follow orders:

• try inviting your child to suggest a solution
• ask for her help
• listen to her ideas
•  work together
• Ask questions instead of giving commands
• encourage and support your child’s independence
• Explain what CAN be done instead of listing everything that is NOT allowed.

Many parents are hesitant to do this as they think they are giving in to demands – try to find a balance and to introduce cooperation well ahead of the power struggle so that you can strike a win-win situation for everyone.

Build Connection

Make time to be together doing things that are fun at least once a day for at least 10 minutes. Let your child direct the play and choose how the game unfolds, go outside for fresh air, dance to some silly music, connect and connect some more. The more connection the more cooperation follows.

Yes some children are more determined, feisty or alright let’s say demanding just for the sake of explanation – but often we feel this way because we are worn down. So along with these things, take time to refuel and re-charge your own batteries!!

Wondering how that cup situation ended?

I asked my daughter a question “Does the water taste different in this cup?” “I don’t know. I not trying it! Not the glass I want!” was her answer.  “Ok, it’s not the one you want.  Well I’m super hungry so I want to stay here and eat. What’s your idea?” I asked her.  ”I [am] hungry, so I eat some dinner then I use the stool and get cup myself. Deal?” “Yes, it’s a deal!” Crisis averted – phew!

Positive parenting is not about keeping our children happy 100% of the time or giving in to every demand or bending the earth to suit our child’s desires. It is important that we pay attention and strike a balance between the needs of the child, the family and our own. When everyone’s needs and feelings are being considered, and cooperation and communication are the focus instead of commands, demands and high expectation, parents and children can really find wonderful harmony.

So is your child determined, energetic, creative, daring or confident? What situations are most challenging for you to work together? 

Peace & Be Well,

Ariadne