Monday, December 31, 2018

2018 Wrap-Up

There were ups, and there were downs. But I felt the downs were more prominent. I was pretty messed up at work, mentally and emotionally, due to the sharp learning curve I had to achieve without much help and guidance, and the verbal 'threats' I receive from the boss, not to mention having to cope with his bullying-like attitude and toddler tantrums. This is perhaps very normal to some people and I really take my hat off to those tough cookies handling this on a daily basis. For me, this crept in and then hit me the hardest this year, almost like a roller coaster. I lost my confidence, purpose and security.

It was depressing, negative and hopeless and I even considered resigning and making a career switch to teaching. I was so convinced that I wanted to be a teacher that I enrolled in an Advanced Diploma in Teaching at Open University Malaysia. I paid the semester fees in full, read the entire module's reading material, attended the first class, completed a couple of assignments which practically robbed me of all my free time. I hated that part the most, and for the fact that social science writing is really frustrating! Suddenly, I hated teaching! I was convinced that I'm just not cut out to be a teacher. This is my epic fickleness. I felt weak, ashamed and so uncool. But now, I feel happier that I let that go. I just had too many things on my plate. So the cool side of me is telling me to get up, brush off the dust and toughen up. Yeah, grow some thick skin and learn to bark a little.

With a new perspective, and good progress at work, things got better. I feel a lot more positive today. I think this is also attributed to my recent interest in revisiting the Holy Bible in a new approach, thanks to making new Christian friends at my workplace through the Alpha course. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.

This is also the year I decided to let my domestic helper go. She has been with us for 10 years! Due to her aging parents and family pressure, I could see that her heart was no longer here, and was yearning to go back for good, so we sort of came to a mutual tentative decision to end her service here. It was difficult to come to this decision at first, but gradually, as I set everything in place, I began to find new purpose at home. I felt I gained back the control of my household, that freedom I can't describe. I threw out a lot of old things and reorganised everything. It felt sooo goood! The biggest change I made for the house was to revamp her room, which is now our cosy hideout and my ironing room.


I managed to give away the bed frame, mattress and cupboard to Amitabha Centre Johor Bahru.

New laminate flooring (Robina's Plateau Oak).
And everything in this photo contains IKEA products, haha!
NYHAMN sofa bed, HEMNES open wardrobe, JOHANNE large cushion cover, FISKBO photo frames, STUK wardrobe storage, SOPROT pull-out storage and the rug I bought some time back. This is like my little IKEA showroom.

The husband's biking 'uniform' on display now.

Cactus art from Taobao.

Very happy with the transformation! 

We're on our own now. It feels scary at first, and I realised how dependent we were on our helper, and how 'safe' I felt to leave the household matters to her. Now, the major tasks are delegated among us. My father-in-law chauffeurs the boys to school and takes care of their lunches, we get tin-cart dinner delivered to us on weekdays, Daniel does the daily laundry, Darren folds the clean clothes and puts them away respectively in everyone's wardrobe. He is also in charge of cooking rice! Haha, let's see how this lasts... *fingers crossed* For cleaning, I have been engaging part-time cleaners from 2 agencies ie. Happy Maid and Dust & Shine to come on a bi-weekly basis. Basically, they vacuum and mop the floors, clean the windows and fans, dusting, wash the toilets, clean the front and backyard, and change bedsheets when it's time to do so. So far so good.

I guess my 2018 was a year of change and challenges. And for the past 18 days of clearing my annual leave, I've accomplished so much on my to-do list and never felt happier. Change is inevitable and it will come sooner or later and take that comfort zone away, but it's good. Change is growth.

And with that, I pray for a better 2019. For you and for me.

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