Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Peekaboo


I really hate to post this again but yaaaaa... it's another dead baby post. Bear with me.

Last night, I started revamping and reorganizing my craft room. The husband was out for network drinks. Yay! Free time for me!
I found a slip of paper and it took me 5 seconds to realize what it was and then I just broke down. My entire body stopped to allow the tear duct to launch big-time. What's strange was that it was TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL. Like I was looking at myself as another person and going "WHOA,WHOA, WHOA SLOW DOWN SISTER, WHAT'S GOIN' ON!"

There I was, kneeling on the floor, clutching the slip of paper, as two souls, one wailing out of control and another wide-eyed jaw-dropped flabbergasted. If there was a conversation, it would go like this:

A1: WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
A2: YO, wassup.
A1: MMMMMM MMMMMMMM (trying to suppress cry)
A2: STOP
A1: I *gasp gasp* CAN'T *gasp gasp*
A2: Come on, it's over.
A1: FUCK YOU IT'S NEVER OVER! *sob sob sob*
A2: Okaaaaaaayyy... Let's talk about it then
A1: *sob sob* *sniff sniff* No. MMMMMM MMMMMMMMM
A2: *whistling Katy Perry's Last Friday Night tune*
A1: WAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A2: *finished whistling the entire song*
A1: *sniff sniff*
A2: You okay now?
A1: Shut up.
A2: Let's continue putting stuff in the boxes, okay?
A1: Ok *sniff*

It was a Permit Menguburkan b/o Lau Lei Yin.


"for me it isn't over" by beth retro

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Lei Yin,

I am a silent reader of your blog. Stumbled upon it sometimes when looking for cards and stuffs.

Read abt your last pregnancy experience. I understand how painful it is. Try to talk abt it to your heart's content and after that keep it in your memories and move on with your life.

Your two boys and hubby needs you. It is not good to carry emotional baggage for a long time.

Try to think that god saved him. Perhaps god would have decided its best to save him that way than to let him be born and suffer with any major disease or etc which god would have known earlier. I am sure none of us would like to see our kids born and suffer with disease/disorders. That will make you more sad...seeing him being helpless and u will be more helpless and emotionally down.

I hope one day you will be pregnant again and the baby is back to you.

Take care.

Regards,
Sally

wie said...

I am sure it is very, very, very difficult. Hugs. Like all things, time will heal this pain gradually...keep journaling if you need to, at least for me it's one way of letting it out.

xoxo, wie

Ally said...

Thank you so much Sally and Wie!
Words of comfort really helped.